Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
