we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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