we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
