even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
