He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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