You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
