there's paper in my vomit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
