So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
