This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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