I just threw up on my dentist
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
