his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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