I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
