Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
