Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
