I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
