is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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