On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
