I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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