we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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