my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
