Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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