And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize