i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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