I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
