Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
