if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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