oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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