Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
