Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
