There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
