i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
