Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
