I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
