Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
