apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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