we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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