'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
