i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
