It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
