You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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