dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
