$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
