I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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