Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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