You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
