he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
