So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
