I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
