Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
