Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
