I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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