By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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