Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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