You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
