Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize