I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
