I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
