But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
