Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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