Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
