Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize