Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
