If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
