I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
