I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
