I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
