Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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