you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize