we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
