At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
