went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
