Redeem this text for a blowjob
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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