It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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