moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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