I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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