There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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