i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize