if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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