like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
