At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i out mim tonsoeep
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